Phenomenal Women: Maya Angelou and Barbara Huberman

May 28, 2014 is a day that the world lost two very special ladies, Maya Angelou, the renowned American poet, author and human rights activist and Barbara Huberman, a determined advocate for sexual education in America who fought successfully against teen pregnancies. They died at the age of 86 and 72 respectively. They were both strong women who spent their lives strengthening the voice of womankind and encouraging others to do the same.  Their message deserves to be spread far and wide so that the good work they did will carry on and change lives across the globe.

Maya Angelou was best selling author of seven autobiographies, and several books of poetry and essays. She received over 30 honorary doctoral degrees and several awards including the Grammy. In February 2011, she was awarded the ‘Presidential Medal of Freedom’, America’s highest civilian honour.  “We need to recognize and applaud our heroes and she-roes”, said Angelou. She believed that empowered individuals, whether men or women need to be held up as shining examples to the rest of mankind to emulate and admire. Women must be applauded as she-roes, for their courage, grace, intelligence, wisdom, not just as ‘heroines’ or stereotypical consorts to the real doer- the hero.

Angelou believed in celebrating womanhood. “I am grateful to be a woman. I must have done something great in another lifetime,” she said. In her poem, ‘Phenomenal Woman’ Angelou captured the essence of feminity, which is beauty itself and needs no other special characteristics to render a woman beautiful.

“Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed,

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud,

I say,

Its in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

The palm of my hand,

The need for my care.

‘Cause I’m a woman,

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

She felt it to be perfectly reasonable that women would stand up for women’s rights as she exclaimed, “I’m interested in women’s health because I’m a woman. I’d be a darn fool not to be on my own side.” She also supported that women strengthen themselves educationally, economically, psychologically and physically. She upheld self empowerment as the rational path to a liberated existence on earth. “A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.” Her life was full of turmoil as a young African girl in America where she herself was the victim of hurtful discrimination and sexual abuse. She overcame all that to become a voice of inspiration through her books and talks.

Our second very special lady, Barbara Huberman was a nurse at a hospital in North Carolina when a life changing experience occurred. She was assigned to help with the childbirth of a girl who was little over ten years old. She held the child mother’s hand for most part of the two day labour process and the sight she saw when she came back was to find the child mother filling in a Mickey Mouse colour book with her newborn beside her. “I just couldn’t take it anymore, with the children getting younger and sadder. I said, someone’s got to work on prevention,” she later revealed. Her strategy was to open up dialogues and encourage talking about sexual issues with children and adolescents in the safe environment of home or Sunday School. She stressed that if parents and guardians don’t talk to their children about sexuality, the streets will. She also advocated policy level changes and a paradigm shift in how government viewed this problem. “Teen sexual behaviour is viewed in many contexts: a moral failing, a political issue, a private family matter, a public health concern, but seldom as a developmental matter.” She was highly criticized too, mostly by self appointed moralists. She replied to them in the State General Assembly, “To opponents of sexuality education and family planning who say… ‘It is morally wrong’, I say it is morally wrong for us to allow young people to be sent into the adult world without the knowledge skills and values to negotiate sexual decision making responsibility.”

While Maya Angelou stood for making women equal and empowered members of society and highlighting their strength, Barbara Huberman made it a life mission to put an end to the sexual vulnerability of girls and overcome their biggest weakness. Both of them succeeded and together they represent two ends of the entire spectrum of women related issues with empowerment on one end and protection on the other. These are the two aspects any nation must tackle if it hopes to have a policy that truly delivers the goods on making women part of the mainstream society and real contributors to nation building. With the new government having started on the right note with 25% of the cabinet comprising of women, one hopes that the range of issues disempowering our women today will be attacked from both ends of the spectrum.

Empowerment includes giving women the opportunities they deserve and creating an enabling environment for them to succeed on the basis of their merit. The BJP members were pressing for Women’s Reservation Bill which BJP MP Meenakshi Lekhi even helped draft. Now is the time to bring it into force. Equally important is the need for the new leaders of the nation to keep up a mass communication campaign wherein all of them including the prime minister talk about the rightful status of women in society as respectable equals, not weak inferiors. This seemingly small communication effort will itself do wonders because at the roots of the material economic and political discrimination against women, lies the non-material socio-psychological cause. It needs to be addressed at that root level through communication exercises if real and lasting change is to occur.

Protection involves protecting women from rape and especially young girls from sexual predators and pedophiles, in the street, in the homes, online, everywhere. Protection of females equally involves sensitization of young girls and ensuring sexuality education for them. It includes empowering all females with self-defence classes and basic legal knowledge so that if they find that the police is not helping them, they can confidently knock at the doors of court, not be compelled to commit suicide in the false belief that all their options are closed. Also, the police needs to be sensitized to women related issues and made accountable because they are important stakeholders in the protection of women. For this to happen it is essential that the archaic imperial laws which govern our police are put away and fresh laws are brought in to ensure transparency and accountability.

A global poll by Thomson Reuters found India to be the fourth most dangerous country in the world for women, following Afghanistan, Democratic Republic of Congo and Pakistan. Even Somalia is better off at number five. India, the biggest democracy on earth cannot find respect in the eyes of the world if it cannot ensure dignity for its women who make up 49% of the population. The voice of women must be heard in the Media, in court-rooms, in board-rooms, in defence forces, Panchayats, local political bodies and Parliament. Their representation in the nation’s power centers should not be mere tokenism but a realistic proportional representation. Every woman must have control over her own life, her body, her time and her money. This can only happen when women do not look toward others for protection or applause but protect themselves and applaud themselves.                                                                                                                                                                   ...Divya Gurnay. 

Self Defence and Women

I would like to start this important article by hitting at the very value system taught to us which at times and for women, most of the times, becomes counterproductive.

Bible says, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Matt 26:52b .

But in today’s world where crime against women is rising can a woman survive by walking two miles with her assaulter if he wants her to walk one mile. The truth is a woman has to refuse to walk even an inch with an assaulter because if she does, after a quarter of a mile only, this maniac is going to victimize another woman and shall carry on doing so.

The Holy bible once again says that all who draw the sword will die by the sword, rightly so but the sword of an assaulter and that of a defender may both be made of same steel tempered in the same ice and fire but it’s the spirit behind these swords that is different. So the tenth Sikh Master beautifully said in his poetic work ZAFARNAMA,

‘Chu kar az hameh heel-te dar guzasht, halal ast burdan b-shamsheer dast’ ."If all righteous means to get justice fail, picking up of a sword is just and pious."

Crime against women is rising by day. A woman is raped every 32 minute in India, murdered every 22 minute, and molested every 15 minutes and made a victim of domestic violence every 11 minutes Its common knowledge that our country’s executive and judiciary are sleeping and women seldom get justice in such cases, and that too if they report these cases in the first place. Gone are the days when women were worshipped in India - today crime against them is on a rise at an alarming rate, and every woman is a potential victim, irrespective of her age.

Women are being teased openly, molested mercilessly, stabbed ruthlessly, thrown out of running trains, burnt alive, attacked with acid and raped - the list goes on... People who commit such crimes feel that the women are weak and can be easily be suppressed. The worst part is that the majority of crime against women is carried out by someone well known to them. The painful truth is that while most females are sociologically conditioned to depend on someone for their well-being, women cannot depend on anyone but themselves for their own protection. The most logical reaction to threat of any kind is self-defence. The most important aspects of self-defence are the awareness to recognise potential danger, avoid or neutralise any tense situation with assertiveness, verbal tactics, safety strategies and resorting to physical tactics as a last effort, which enables the would-be victim to effectively prevent, resist, escape and survive a close encounter.

Just as it is essential to know how to swim in order to survive in water, it is essential to know how to be able to protect one in order to survive on land. It is high time women overcame social conditioning to passivity, helplessness, low self-esteem and self-sacrifice and get into the right mental frame of mind to be able to protect themselves.

Self-defence can be divided into two main approaches:-

1. Prevention- Which is about taking appropriate and timely precautions. Here more is always less. In many cases, a crime is preventable with just some common sense and a generally alert and aware disposition.

2. Reaction- Once the trouble has begun, and there is no escape, a woman must have the courage and tactic to fight and injure the attacker. In reaction speed and force are very important.

PREVENTION

The most important self defence tool you have is, of course, your brain. Use it! Let common sense prevail. Self awareness is foremost. That includes the awareness of everyone around you, where they are and what they are doing. Your best bet is to use all your senses including the sixth sense that women possess in a high degree. Here is a list of some simple things that you can do immediately that will prevent unwanted incidents:-

1- Understand your surroundings. Walk or hang out in areas that are open, well lit, and well travelled. Become familiar with the buildings, parking lots, parks, and other places you walk. Pay particular attention to places where someone could hide — such as stairways and bushes. Listen: Keep your ears open for any odd noises or the sound of footsteps following you on a lonely street. Avoid MP3 players and phones when outside your safety zone as they limit that ability. Watch: Keep your eyes open. Observe the people and objects around you. NEVER stare at the ground or look self-conscious.

2- Check out the hangouts. Do they look safe? Are you comfortable being there? Ask yourself if the people around you seem to share your views on fun activities — if you think they're being reckless, move on.

3 - Wearing revealing clothing at inappropriate places should be avoided. Doing so may get you unwanted attention from people with evil intent. In public places it is wise to dress sensibly. If you want to flaunt something it should be your attitude and the maturity with which you carry yourself.

4- Trust your instincts. Women are very intuitive. If you think a situation might be dangerous then it probably is. If you feel suspicious about a man who’s all alone in the lift, don’t enter, use the stairs. If you see or sense problems on your way, change route or go to the other side of the road and prepare to run and defend yourself. That little guardian angel should be trusted rather than ignored.

5 - Drinking alcohol if you are not used to it, or drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, taking mind altering drugs and leaving ANY food or drink unattended where it may be tampered with is a recipe for disaster. Give your self an even chance.

6 - NEVER pick up hitch-hikers and ABSOLUTELY NEVER hitch-hike yourself. Life is NOT a Bollywood movie. Trusting a stranger is and absolute taboo.

7- Make sure your friends and parents know your daily schedule (classes, sports practice, club meetings, etc.). If you go on a date or with friends for an after-game snack, let someone know where you're going and when you expect to return.

8- Carry a cell phone if possible. Make sure it's programmed with your parents’ and some trusted guardians’ phone number on quick dial.

9-Be willing to report crimes in your neighbourhood and school to the police.

10- If you live alone make sure that all your mail is addressed by just your first initial followed by your surname. Never allow mail to be addressed to you with salutations like Miss, Mrs, Ms or with your given name. Those letters and parcels pass many eyes before they get to you. Change them. Make them nondescript as to your sex and marital status. Why allow anybody even one extra shred of information about you?

11– Avoid travelling alone at all costs. NEVER walk alone at night or at any time in isolated areas. Predators love these locations. Avoid lonely or unknown shortcuts. If you are forced to travel alone especially late in the night use crowded trains and buses. If it is an emergency and you are forced to hire a taxi, note down its number and text it to someone. Let the taxi driver know that your family is expecting you home and if you get late, or the taxi gets stalled, someone will be able to reach you immediately. In short make your self appear as well connected and invulnerable as possible. It can go a long way in protecting you.

12- Never act or look like an easy target. Body language is very important. Look strong, alert and confident. Most fights are won before they start, and aggressors will back down if you maintain eye contact and are not intimidated by them. Remember they are looking for an easy target.

13 - Most sexual assaults are by people who the victims knew - or, at least, thought they knew! Be friendly and polite by all means but be vigilant for tell-tale signs of "strange" behaviour. Do NOT flirt. Be very firm about any unwanted attention, particularly in the work place. Many a time young girls do not realize the importance of these lines until it is too late. A sexual attack is usually preceded by some visual sign, which is usually preceded by some verbal approach before the physical action. Recognize the sequence: the look - the talk - the attack. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison when interviewed revealed the signs they sought in women before attacking.

· Long hair as they are easy to grip. Women with short hair are not common targets.

· Revealing and inviting clothing easy to rip off or tear.

· Women obsessed with their cell phones while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

· Women moving around alone at odd hours.

· If you put up any kind of a fight at all, an assaulter gets discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it, will be time-consuming and inviting trouble.

· Assaulters avoid women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands as a weapon

RE-ACTION:- Reaction is usually only required when the prevention has been inappropriate and not vigilant enough. Attackers are very rarely strangers who jump out of dark alleys. Sadly, teens can be attacked by people they know. If the situation comes down to a physical fight remember that everything that surrounds you can be used as weapons like ashtrays, chairs, bottles, kitchen utensils, sand, stones, coins, knives, finger rings, pencils, iron sticks, knitting needles, belts or your cellular phone while outside. Any aerosol can, hair spray, body spray, spray paint, pepper, tear gas etc can be used. At any one time, people unconsciously carry many potential weapons. For example, belts may be used as garrotte or a whip with a buckle, coins may be thrown onto the face of an opponent to stun and blind him. It’s a good idea to have some chilly powder always handy in your purse. Your clothes like a big kerchief or a scarf may be used to choke and obscure vision. Handbags can be used to strike, a pen is a very useful weapon of self defence to poke into the eyes, a hairbrush to scratch across the eyes, perfume to sprays into the eyes, etc. Always practice how to quickly and effectively use them. Attack quickly, and if possible, the vulnerable points. You might have only one chance to defend yourself, do not lose it. Fight and strike first if once you feel that the situation has taken an ugly turn.

Take a Self-Defence Class: - The best way — in fact the only way — to prepare yourself to fight off an attacker is to take a self-defence class or at least buy a self help book or Video and train yourself. It would be great to learn all the right moves from an article, but some things you just have to learn in person. A good self-defence class can teach you how to size up a situation and decide how to act. Self-defence classes can also teach special techniques for breaking an attacker's grasp and other things you can do to get away, a kick in the groin or jab in the eye, for instance. A good self-defence class can teach you ways to surprise your attacker and catch him or her off guard. One of the best things people take away from self-defence classes is self-confidence. As a part of psycho self defence here is a trick that works. If someone is following you on a street or in an elevator or stair case, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it or are you a local or a tourist. This shall not only make you confront the person but you also get to see his face and could identify him in a line-up. This way you also lose appeal as a soft target. If you carry pepper spray just use it before someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible!

SPECIAL TIP-If you are thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVEOFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVEOFF! Instead rev up the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location. Before you get in to your parked vehicle look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. Get in to your car only when you feel safe.

So ladies please protect yourself, empower yourself and realize your own hidden powers as it is always better to be safe than sorry. (And better paranoid than dead.) If you feel threatened don’t let your intimidator have a field day but strike back, and strike back fast and hard so as to put off an attacker and also leave a befitting lesson for those who may dare to dare elsewhere.

                                                                                             ...Divya Gurnay.

Spirituality helps.

A mother’s protective warmth is what an infant seeks all the time because she is the tangible manifestation of all his needs for security, warmth, food, and thus, survival. When the child realizes that the mother cannot be present next to him at all times, he transfers this yearning by transferring it to the cuddliness of his teddy bear. Soon the child realizes that the toys are inanimate and helpless themselves. So he transfers this aura of protectiveness to fairies and elves and finally to God.

As this child grows, he realizes that the world is not adhering to his moral science lessons. Kindness, Justice, Ethics and Morality are not the rules of life. Rarely are they anything more than literary terms. He sees the innocent and meek suffering while the cruel and immoral crooks continue to thrive. This is when his belief in God is shaken. He realizes that at the end of the day what counts most is your ability to survive.

As this individual grows and gathers more experience, he realizes that try as much as he might, he cannot control everything. This is the juncture where spirituality or belief in the supreme spirit returns.

Adolescents and young adults are often confused and most impressionable to the impression of God. Some see or experience terrible loss (such as the loss of a loved one) and ask, “How can I believe in a God that allows this to happen?” Some become atheists, many remain agnostics. Some are misled towards fanaticism and superstitions too. All this depends on their socialization and socio-cultural heritage. However, science tells us, that the happiest ones are the spiritual believers for they live the most stress free and content lives. Perhaps it is this discovery that really popularized the proverb, “If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent one.”

Spirituality is the most powerful intangible tool to improve the quality of life. Spirituality actually means one’s sense of meaning or purpose in life or one’s sense of connectedness to the sacred divine. For many this takes the form of religious observance, prayer and meditation inclined towards God or the Soul of the Universe. For others it can be found in nature, music, art or secular community. Spirituality is a very personal experience.The question is how does spirituality help us?Spirituality is very beneficial as it can help you: -

1. Focus on personal goals- Cultivating spirituality helps you uncover what is most meaningful in your life. This clarification helps eliminate stress.

2. Connect to the world- The more strongly you believe that you have a purpose in the world, the less solitary you feel, even when you are alone. This gives inner-strength and peace during difficult times.

3. Simplify life- It is well said that, “The more thought there is behind how you live your life, the simpler it becomes.” When your principles are clear, the cobwebs in your mind disappear automatically.

4. Lead a healthier lifestyle- People who consider themselves spiritual are able to heal from illnesses and addictions much faster. They are amazingly unmoved under stressful conditions and deal gracefully with the highs and pitfalls of life. Research has given glaring evidence that teenagers with Inflammatory Bowl Disease (IBD) are greatly benefitted by spirituality. IBD is a chronic condition characterized by continuous inflammation in the intestines. Adolescents with IBD have a high risk of psycho-social problems due to the stigma and helplessness. Spirituality has helped many IBD patients grow into normal progressive adults. The reason for this is the constant sense of hope rather than hopelessness that prevails upon spiritual people.

The next question is how does one cultivate Spirituality?

Spirituality begins with your relationship with yourself, nurtured by your relationship with others and culminates in your sense of purpose in life.

Here are a few ways to look inwards: -

1. Try prayer, meditation and relaxation to access your inner wisdom and focus your thoughts.

2. Keep a journal to help you express your feelings and record your progress.

3. Seek out a trusted advisor or friend, preferably someone with more experience in life than you, to help you discover what is important in your life.

4. Read inspirational stories or essays to help you evaluate life’s philosophies better.

5. Talk to others whose spiritual lives you admire. Ask them questions about their spiritual odyssey.

6. Be open-If you are exploring organized religion, stay away from all superstitions and fanaticism. Be open to exploring a variety of different faiths and also secular spiritualism.

Nurturing good relations with others is an important part of spiritual connection: -

- Develop effective communication skills.

- Make family relations a priority

- Share your views with your near ones and like-minded people.

- Avoid negative talk and negative people.

- Volunteer for a good cause and help make a positive difference to society.

- See the good in people and yourself.

If you see the Sun’s whole light filling the world, refrain from blaming and despising the superstitious man who in his own idol sees one ray of the same light. Do not despise the non-believer who is blind and cannot see the Sun at all. Remember that we are all evolving spirits caught in the dynamic process of growing. In this process of progress, success will go to the people who can stay true to their own spirit and connect with the soul of the Universe.

                                                                                                         -Divya Gurnay.